My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
