Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
