I understand Curling. That high.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
