You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
