Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
