it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
