I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
