end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
