we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
