it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
