Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
