You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
