He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still dying that you shit outside
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
