its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
