you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
