I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize