I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
