Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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