The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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