last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
