I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
