Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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