This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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