in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
