it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
