nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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