are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
