I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nutella sex= disaster
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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