One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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