who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
