We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
