aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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