I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
