Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
