Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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