I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
