dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
