i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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