Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What a dumb baby whore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
