so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
