I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
