i think my tv is drunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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