Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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