dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
