i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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