so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
