Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
