Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
