I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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