Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
