No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
