i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
